I'm Here, I'm Just...

....treading water.

I'll give you a visual. I'm swimming in a pool that's filled to the brim. The tricky part is, people on the outside of the pool keep dumping more buckets of water into it. So as I'm treading water, a bucketful gets splashed into the pool dousing me with water. For a few minutes, I can't breathe. I get myself composed for a little while, I'm cool with my surroundings again, and then another bucket of water comes.

That's how things feel these days.

I just can't get ahead. I just can't lift my head high enough above the water.

I committed a "cardinal sin" on Friday. I told a class of students that I was pretty confident that I'm a terrible teacher. Shoot. These days I'm feeling pretty terrible as a wife, mother, and teacher.

My students were awesome, though. They gave me just the boost I needed. They really are learning from me. Are they going to remember for years to come what the elements of a short story are? Or what Beowulf's name means? Probably not. But the life lessons I'm teaching them? Those things...they are remembering. My students are remembering discussions we've had about quotes I've posted. Political talks that have taken place. Things I've told them to get their days started on the right track. Those things mean the world to me.

Does it take away the feeling that I'm feeling so far behind and completely lost? No. But I'm glad I'm having an impact on them.

Now if I could just stop treading water.